Emotional life of the schizoid
1-Hugs and Praise
When your mother hugs you, you feel uncomfortable and do not respond.
If your wife or your sister becomes emotional, you cannot empathize,
and will try to end their displays of emotion.
Your mother may be disappointed by your lack of response. And your wife or partner
will certainly feel your lack of passion
and affection. If your partner is one of those women/men who "needs" to feel loved and desired,
you will have a problem.
Praise produces two different reactions in you. On the one hand it sounds good and pleases you.
On the other hand, you may reject it or play it down because you feel uncomfortable, and dislike being
the centre of the attention. You prefer to go unnoticed, so you show indifference even though
you may feel some inner satisfaction.
Sometimes, though, you don’t even feel that inner satisfaction. Instead, you are totally indifferent.
2- Receiving and Giving Affection
When people receive affection, they feel cared about, and their tendency is to return affection
to the one who gave it, When schizoids receive affection, they feel little emotion
and return little, or no affection. The schizoid has limited
capacity to receive or to give affection.
This is one of the reasons for their isolation in the social environment.
3-Neither Pleasure, nor Pain
A characteristic of the schizoid is his/her limited capacity to feel pleasure.
The correct term for this is anhedonia.
Although this is true, it also has a positive side. While ordinary people enjoy many things we cannot enjoy,
many things also cause them pain - friends, family, professional success or failure –
which the schizoid tolerates quite well.
So, though we experience less pleasure than the average person, we also experience less pain.
4- Grief at the Death of the Mother
One day the health men came home bringing my mother agonizing.
She came from hospital to die.
There was not fuss or comments: no one said anything.
I did not feel anything. For me that day was a day like any other.
After funeral, the life continued as if nothing had happened…
When my father died, the history was the same.
One of the most important things for creating a sense of well-being, is a person’ts circle of friends
or social support network.
This becomes even more important from adolescence onwards. Someone who does not have
any friends may be branded as weird,
or even perverse. As schizoids, we are condemned to live our lives without friends, from youth to old age.
We can never rely upon this excellent backup in any situation.. We might go for a walk or for a cup of coffee,
but we have to do so alone. We also have to extricate ourselves from any crisis alone.
This is a harsh destiny. If you are not schizoid try, for a moment, to imagine it.
6- Who is Going to Be a Friend?
The story is always the same: you are introduced to someone, you talk to them, you like them, and they like you too.
But, one way or another you become accustomed to the fact that you will be unable to talk to them again,
and that you will avoid meeting them in the future.
It just happens, without conscious thought you simply avoid them .
If you do bump into them, you exchange greetings, and then just slip away. If you see them on your left,
you immediately go to the right, all the time wondering what you're doing and why.
The same response is repeated again and again.
You go to work. In the distance you see a colleague. You should say hello and talk to him.
Instead, you move away to avoid him.
When approaching the front door, you notice another colleague.
You slow your pace, so you don’t have to meet him.
You go out for a walk. If you do so in your own neighbourhood, you will meet neighbours and acquaintances,
and this makes you feel uncomfortable. So you take your walks elsewhere, where nobody knows you.
This is how we treat people who might have become friends .
There are certain instances where the normal response to a social interaction would be an emotional one.
In these circumstances, we will change the subject and respond coldly, intellectually, rationally,
and/or aseptically. This is our escape.
8 - The Absent Relative
The schizoid is the absent relative. He/she is the missing sibling at family meals. He/she is the nephew/niece
who does not attend funerals. He/She is the cousin who doesn’t attend the village festivals,
and ‘escapes’ from Christmas.
He/She is the uncle/aunt who is absent at your birthday. While most family members are generally present,
the schizoid is missing. He doesn’t act as cousin, uncle, nephew, brother nor son.
He/she is the absent relative.
Of course, the rest of the family eventually respond in a similar way. But this is no hardship.
Sure, you may be annoyed at being ignored by your relatives, but you won’t become emotional about it.
Emotion is contagious. Panic is contagious. Fear too. You can create fear, just as you can create ideas.
Joy is contagious too.
Emotions appear to spread outwards. People who shine with joy, and who are easy-going,
are solicited as friends.
These emotions make people feel comfortable.
People who are fearful, and who appear to have problems are avoided.
These emotions make you feel uncomfortable. If you behave like this while still trying to be sociable,
you will find that people avoid you. And, if you persist, you will be rejected.
Eventually you gain the impression that you are an outlaw.
Site updated in March 2012 . Copyright (c)