To love a schizoid

schizoids.info

To love a schizoid

Below is an anecdotal sequence of events:

1- Falling in love

You are a woman, and you find a man who is respectful, cultured, shy ... You may fall in love with him because

of these qualities, or for another reason entirely.

When you become involved with him, you discover that there are problems – his seemingly contradictory behaviour,

and other bewildering and distressing situations ... You begin to suffer from lack of affection.

Intrigued by his unusual reactions, you begin to investigate and discover that he is schizoid.

You discuss the problem with your friends and family who advise you to forget about him.

In reality, though, you love him, and do not want to leave him. You fight for him and for the relationship.

But, almost everything is against it: friends, family ... even the man himself, who does nothing to save the relationship,

and who may even ask you to leave him.

2- The crisis

You try not to abandon him, because you see that he needs help. You try to help him, but have no idea how.

You begin to ask yourself whether life with him is still possible.

With each passing moment he becomes more ‘closed’, and you are disillusioned when you discover that

he even finds your presence unpleasant.

In fact, you do not appear to be the solution, but rather the problem. The more love you give,

the more he wants to escape from you.

You ask yourself whether it’s possible to help somebody who clearly does not want to be helped.

Then, one day, he says it’s over and shows you the door... Despite this, you still do not give up...

3 - Managing the crisis

Below are some guidelines for handling the crisis.

The schizoid man may feel uncomfortable or anxious in the company of women.

If he feels this way with you, you will not be able to build a stable or steady relationship.

He needs solitude. You should respect his need for solitude and communicate with him briefly - by SMS or E Mail.

He may be enamoured of your love or, in other words, he will fall in love "in his own way."

Although he may reject you from his life for no reason, you should not leave him suddenly.

Rather take a step back until, in time, the situation becomes clearer to you.

Usually, he will need the help of a psychologist. You can encourage him to have a consultation

for his problem with anxiety. Some schizoids, by accepting the limitations of both parties, manage

to maintain a relationship with their partner for many years. Others, however, fail.

The effort to sustain the relationship will be unequal.. He will do little to make it succeed,

you will have to do a lot.

The relationship stands a chance provided you are a giving, and tolerant person.

Remember that he cannot be affectionate, or share his intimate thoughts with you.

The foundation of his personality is schizoid, and this will never change.

At some point, though, he will also have to compromise. If he does not, there is no future.

The schizoid balances his solitary life with very few social outings. Thus, your social life together will be limited.

It will be difficult to have a life together. Sometimes he will insist on solitude.

At those times you may feel alone and frustrated.
So, in addition to your life together, you must have another life,

your own, personal life with your own career, friends, hobbies, projects ...

When you suffer from lack of affection, take care of yourself.

Confide in someone you trust, the moral support will comfort you and give you strength.

For the relationship to have any future, you have to accept him as he is and adapt your needs to his limitations.

If he is highly schizoid, a committed relationship may not be possible. Before joining your life with his,

make sure you will be able to live with his emotional limitations, and understand that he will never be capable

of fulfilling all your relationship needs for love, intimacy, confidences, affectionate gestures,

I loveyou’s, a social life together.

- ( This web page is also available ..........in Spanish ..........in French )

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