schizoids.info
To love a schizoid
1-ATTACHED
TO A SCHIZOID
At some
point you are surprised and alarmed by your partner’s odd behavioural traits.
He is cold towards
you, he does not need you, it seems you only have a sexual relationship.
You feel
neither needed, nor loved, and are deeply frustrated by his lack of affection.
He has no friends, does not socialise, and
doesn’t go out over weekends.
As a result,
you have no social life, and you feel isolated.
People
overwhelm him, and even you overwhelm him.
You
investigate further, and discover that he has schizoid traits,
or that he has
already been diagnosed as a schizoid.
2- YOU BREAK
IT OFF
You feel
that he is incapable of fulfilling your partnership needs, and you decide to
leave the relationship.
3-YOU STAY WITH
HIM
If you decide
to stay with him, these guidelines may help you:
---The schizoid man may feel uncomfortable or
anxious in the company of women.
If he feels
this way with you, you will not be able to develop a steady, stable relationship.
---He needs
solitude. You should respect his need for solitude.
---He may
spend time with you, he may be supportive, and he may talk to you,
but he shows
little pleasure in these activities, and will show you little affection.
---The
effort to sustain the relationship will always be unequal…He will do little to
make it succeed,
while you put
your entire heart into it.
---Remember
he cannot be affectionate, nor share his intimate thoughts with you.
---The
foundation of his personality is schizoid, and this will never change.
---At some
point, though, he will also have to compromise.
If he does
not, the relationship has no future.
---The
schizoid balances his solitary life
with very few social outings. Thus, your social life
together
will be limited.
---It will
be difficult to have a life together. Sometimes he will insist on solitude.
At those
times you may feel alone and frustrated.
So, in
addition to your relationship with him, you must have another life,
your own,
personal life with a fulfilling career, friends, hobbies, projects…
---The only
solution for a future with him is to accept him as he is,
and adapt your expectations according to his
limitations.
---Before
joining your life with his,
decide
whether the lack of social life and the minimal
love, consideration and affection he shows you
are
sufficient and acceptable to you.
---Do not try
to change him. This is a futile attempt since his schizoid traits are inherent.
---At some
point you may suggest he sees a psychologist. He may accept or refuse.
But you must
not insist.
---A
schizoid can improve by following an Adaptive Method (see our Treatment)
4-WOMEN WHO
LOVE TOO MUCH
Robin
Norwood, in his book “Women Who Love Too Much”, describes
a type of
woman who engages in inappropriate
relationships.
These are
women from dysfunctional homes (1)
They are
bored by polite men who respect and care for them
and,
instead, are attracted to needy men with problems.
These women establish
unfortunate relationships that generally end in failure.
They find
unstable men exciting,
they find
their unpredictable behaviour, romantic,
their immaturity,
charming,
their moodiness,
mysterious,
their anger,
misunderstood,
their
misfortune, needing consolation…
In addition,
the list describes the type of man who is unavailable, emotionally cold, and unaffectionate…
The warning to
women in these relationships – as it is in a relationship with a schizoid –
is not to try
and “save” the needy person,
but rather to
develop a healthy relationship with someone else who is capable of fulfilling her
need for appreciation and affection.
She must not
confuse love with emotional pain – as she did in her childhood –
where the
relationship with one or both of her parents was a source of emotional pain.
(1) DYSFUNCTIONAL
HOMES are those homes where one or both parents abuse alcohol or drugs,
or are
involved in any kind of compulsive or addictive behaviour,
or maintain an
inappropriate sexual, or abusive relationship with the child.
Page reviewed
in April 2012 Copyright ©