Loving your wife/woman


1- Your Problem


You are in a relationship. She believes in love, and has committed herself to you.

You are a schizoid, you like her and want her to be your partner.

Initially, your relationship progresses well, and you have great expectations.

She is happy and wants to be with you forever.

You need your own space, and time alone.

She is extremely affectionate and shows this through loving gestures which you try to avoid.

Her love seems enormous, while yours is modest. And you almost always show her coldness.

Soon she becomes disillusioned.


2- Her Problem

If this continues, and your silences and coldness continue, she will become more anxious.

In the beginning, she may try to play her anxiety down.

Later, her friends and family may recommend that she leave you.

Despite her sadness, she will remain committed to you, and will try and save the relationship

by ignoring everyone except her heart.

She will want things to change, you to change, your relationship to take another direction.

She wants to help you change - she wants to help you.

If you do not respond, she will start becoming indifferent.

She expects you to provide affection and stability. She expects to feel loved, to have your support...

but you seem to be somewhere else.

Eventually she feels abandoned.

She wants physical intimacy, and you are not interested. Your wife begins to lose her self-esteem.

The end looks close, and the word ‘separation’ is heard for the first time in your house.


3- What to Do

Become aware of the situation described above.

Show her affection any time you can -  with words and physical contact.

Actively practise ‘cold’ affections which do not require any special emotions, and which can be driven by thoughts.

TRY to put yourself in her place.

Explain your situation to her so she understands your limitations.

 Tell her that you do not usually express your feelings.

Do meaningful things which only require planning, and she will realize that you have thought of her.

 Buy her gifts, remember anniversaries...

Help her with the tasks that she normally takes responsibility for.

TAKE an interest in her and the things her family does.

DO things just because she likes you to do them.

FIND out what she worries about and, because the problem is not yours, remain calm and try to comfort her.

If she has serious problems, you cannot look disinterested at all. Be with her, and remain with her.


These ‘cold’ affections do not require strong emotion. They are possible and can be done – all you need is discipline.

 In addition, they have the power to keep your relationship going. If you reinforce them with ‘warm’, spontaneous affection,

they will help her to feel more secure and happy within the relationship.

In fact, they can repair your relationship, and create a more solid foundation.


(  This web page is also available Spanish French  )



Site updated on March 11 , 2011  .  Copyright (c) 2008-2011