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MY SON: A SCHIZOID (Part 3)

By Isabel Guillén

1-YOUR CRISIS

Before I understood you, I lived life on my knees, with a heart devoid of answers

Even worse, I carried the weight of guilt on my shoulders ...

SILENCES

Everything seems to be going well, when suddenly…. there is silence……You do not speak a word ...

When I ask you a question, you merely nod in response ...

At lunchtime, your concentration is on your plate ...

You share a few forced minutes of your time before hastily escaping to your sanctuary ...

This long, anxious, and heart-breaking silence may last a week, or even a month,

but for me, it feels like a lifetime ...

At some point I become angry – and my gaze meets yours - It is then that I see your hell ...

The sight freezes my blood, and I know only to pray ...

--- What fight is that?

--- Who placed you in that pit of sadness?

--- What created the war that torments you?

Then, one day, when I've almost forgotten the sound of your laughter,

and even the tone of your voice ...

you return from the abyss, your intense loneliness in tow.

Alone you reached rock bottom, licked your wounds, conferred with your demons ...

and alone you returned…alone…., utterly alone ...

I wonder whether during this time ...

you saw me at your side, felt my presence, heard my pleas to God ...

but I realize that the answer is a resounding NO ...

Still, I bless you, and am relieved that you have emerged, victorious, from yet another crisis ….

2-YOUR WORK, A TRIGGER FOR DISCOMFORT

We have a family business. I manage some of the people, you manage the rest ...

But these people bother you, they invade your space ….., overwhelm your person, drain your energy ...

Your discomfort is evident in every word, and every gesture ...

Slumped at your desk, your face gaunt, I recognize your pain:

---- ‘I can’t anymore!’ --- I hear you say

And I know it's true. Once again you have reached your limit ...

Together we decide that, in future, you will only come to work when essential.

We will place a barrier between you and people.

You will dispense with people, because it is they who make you ill ...

Someone else will manage them, then send you the reports. They will even answer the phone.

You will work in your sanctuary. We will send everything there ...

And, there, you can work into the night – as is your habit.

ADAPTATION. This is our creed.

To resist, to fight ..., is worthless – it merely exhausts us all ...

Instead, we will use the wisdom we have gained, and adapt ourselves accordingly.

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