1 - Why does everyone talk to everyone?
The following has often happened to me: I had to attend meetings of 50-80 colleagues from work.
When I arrived in the entrance hall, everyone was talking to everyone.
There were numerous small groups of 3, 5, or 7 people,
and I was the only one who didn’t join in, and who stood apart.
Everybody seemed to be enjoying the occasion.
In contast, as a schizoid, I found it impossible to join any group, and nobody invited me to join their group.
What seemed to be the most natural thing for everybody else, was impossible for me.
I do not find these experiences pleasant at all.
2- Freedom or Imprisonment
Some schizoids do venture out into the world – they join the labour market; dance and socialize with others over
the weekend – all in an attempt to comply with social conventions. Stress will result almost immediately.
And soon, anxiety. The inevitable result will be one of great discomfort, possibly accompanied by physical
and mental disorders: neurosis, fatigue, dyspepsia, dysthymia. Other schizoids barely leave their homes,
and adapt to live their lives in almost total solitude. They don’t work, and they do not marry.
They live imprisoned in their homes, and maybe even in their rooms. Though they avoid many problems this way,
the cost of total solitude - sometimes even economic penury - is very high. Both options have
their advantages and disadvantages. Generally, though, the economic reality tends to be
determine how the person lives. The ideal situation would be: economic solvency; knowledge of the schizoid status;
minimal social relations; and a profession suited to the schizoid personality. There are schizoid people
who are not financially independent, and who never leave the parental home.
It is difficult for the schizoid to cope with commitments which tie him to other people (marriage, fatherhood,
motherhood, employment ...). These commitments impose a routine of daily, unavoidable personal interactions.
Some personal relations - and especially those within a group – can become extremely painful.
Tension, stress, and even derangement can result, and there is no way to escape from,
or to abandon the commitment. Sometimes, the situation becomes desperate. And the schizoid engaged
in a profession will have to be wary of this.
They will constantly be faced with many problems (ganging up, isolation, discrimination ...)
and, in all of these, there is the danger of breakdown and suffering.
We have to avoid any profession which involves the public,
and any type of work which requires being involved in a team or group.
It is essential that the schizoid be aware of his potential, and his limitations in this regard.
Only too frequently, schizoids remain single. And those who have partners may be driven to separate.
Once they are separated, they may even be unaware that the reason for the separation is their personality.
Instead, they believe that particular events were the cause of the separation.
4- The phone
I do not need a mobile phone. If I had one, I wouldn’t use it. In fact, I seldom even use the land-line phone,
except for the odd official calls, or to call someone like my mother. Of course, the phone also serves to receive calls
– except that my phone never rings. If you are involved in a permanent or ongoing relationship,
use of the telephone would be limited to that person, and no more. Even then, the calls will be made for very specific reasons.
No calls are made just for the sake of socializing – or to hear the latest gossip, because I’m lonely,
because I want to make contact with that person, to give condolences or to congratulate someone.
All communication is difficult for us – even the rare phonecalls we make.
5-Reading and writing
their needs, their disappointments ... And all of this without the problems involved in face-to-face contact.
Writing, however, is another matter. Sometimes we enjoy personal mail, and we may spend time on Messenger
if we make a connection with someone. Sometimes, though, empathy fails us, the epistolary relationship
takes too much time and energy, or we become involved in a forum where there are too many people.
6- How to have fun
Of course, you won’t have fun in the conventional way. So, be careful what you do, because
you may end up feeling a fool. Dancing can be a failure. Getting to know people, flirting, aligning yourself
with someone – these are all exciting activities for others, but you may find them disappointing.
You'll find that you lack the resources, that you are clumsy and, if you persist you will feel ridiculous and you will fail.
Even though everyone else is doing it, do not feel obliged to go with the flow. Mostly, you will feel uncomfortable
– so why persist? Far better to find your own source of entertainment and which suits your personality.
Never feel obliged to be like everyone else.
7– Attending parties
You will attend parties, but only infrequently. Usually, attendance at these events will be unsatisfactory.
Therefore, keep them to a minimum, and spend little time there. If you're married, only attend essential gatherings
which your wife attends. In social life, allow your spouse to take the initiative and, even then, attend few functions
for the shortest time possible. There will be times, though, when you feel comfortable,
and then you stay as long as you like. But, if you're uncomfortable, get up and stretch your legs, go for a walk,
get some fresh air and forget about everybody. Then, as soon as you can, disappear.
This should be done discreetly, without any explanations – do it with confidence, and don’t
ask forgiveness for being the way you are. And don’t expect to be understood. When these events are held in large,
open places, it is easier to sneak away than it is from closed and small places. If, during a business meal,
you begin to feel uncomfortable, why insist on staying? Try to find your own,
comfortable way of tolerating these occasions.
8- Feeling weird
A widespread feeling among schizoids before they become aware of their situation, is to feel "weird".
Though they want to fit in with others, they often get the feeling that they just don’t fit in.
This creates the feeling of being on the outside looking in, or of being out of place.
This often leads to an erosion of their self-confidence, and to the feeling that other people are ‘superior’.
Once they become aware of the fact that they are schizoid, that their world is different and even has a name,
they often feel a huge sense of relief.
9 – Going for a walk
We live in the city, and occasionally go out for a walk. But a stroll in the neighbourhood becomes a nightmare
because we will meet acquaintances and neighbours whom we feel obliged to greet.
The greeting, and personal contact it involves, makes us uncomfortable. It’s useless to try and be pleasant,
or force a false smile since we feel no connection and the result is a failure. Nevertheless, social convention
requires us to greet them, at least. But the neighbours may sense our disinterest
and the encounter would become embarrassing. So, what is the solution?
SOME of us will go for a walk anyway, greeting half-heartedly when necessary.
OTHERS will go for a walk without greeting anyone.
And OTHERS will put on a hood and / or sunglasses and / or use headphones
to listen to music and so shut everyone out.
The schizoid finds it difficult to fit into a social environment and, generally, ends up living outside of it.
However, the internet provides an opportunity for an acceptable form of social contact –
Communications are anonymous,
there is no personal contact, and contacts can be made or broken at will. Many schizoids find that the internet
fills a large gap in their lives, but it can never replace real life!
11- Tolerance and the need to break off …
This pattern occurs again and again: you're in a situation which involves personal contact.
This creates stress. You want to do it, you want to be there, you want to maintain it and even pursue it.
But stress levels continue to escalate and suddenly, you feel ready to explode.
If you're going out with a woman, you suddenly walk out, with no known reasons.
If you're in a group, you disappear.
You may even have a well-paying and enjoyable job which, suddenly, becomes unbearable.
When you realize that you're suffering, you may attempt to hold on, and may even succeed for a while.
Later, though, any motivation to remain will disappear, and you feel an irrepressive need to flee.