schizoids.info
Living Schizoid
The daily life of a schizoid
1 - Why
does everyone talk to everyone?
The following has often happened to
me: I had to attend meetings of 50-80 colleagues from work.
When I arrived in the entrance hall, everyone
was talking to everyone. There were numerous small groups of 3, 5, or 7 people,
and I was the only
one who didn’t join in, and who stood apart. Everybody seemed to be enjoying the occasion.
In contast, as a schizoid,
I found it impossible to join any group, and nobody invited me to join their
group.
What seemed to be the most natural thing for
everybody else, was impossible for me.
I do not find these experiences pleasant at all.
2- Freedom or Imprisonment
Some
schizoids do venture out into the world – they join the labour market; dance
and socialize with others over
the weekend – all in
an attempt to comply with social conventions. Stress will result almost immediately.
And soon, anxiety. The
inevitable result will be one of great discomfort, possibly accompanied by physical
and mental disorders: neurosis, fatigue,
dyspepsia, dysthymia. Other schizoids barely leave
their homes,
and adapt
to live their lives in almost total solitude.
They don’t work, and they do not marry.
They live imprisoned in their homes, and maybe even in their rooms. Though they avoid many
problems this way,
the cost of total solitude
- sometimes even economic penury - is very high. Both options have
their advantages and
disadvantages. Generally, though, the economic reality tends to be
determine how the
person lives. The ideal situation would be: economic solvency; knowledge of the
schizoid status;
minimal social
relations; and a profession suited to the schizoid personality. There are schizoid people
who are not
financially independent, and who never leave the parental home.
3-Commitments
It is difficult
for the schizoid to cope with commitments which tie him to other people (marriage, fatherhood,
motherhood,
employment ...). These commitments impose a routine of daily, unavoidable
personal interactions.
Some personal relations - and especially those
within a group – can become extremely painful.
Tension,
stress, and even derangement can result, and there is no way to escape from,
or to abandon
the commitment. Sometimes, the situation becomes desperate. And the schizoid
engaged
in a
profession will have to be wary of this. They will constantly be faced with
many problems (ganging up, isolation, discrimination ...)
and, in
all of these, there is the danger of breakdown
and suffering.
We have to avoid
any profession which involves the public, and any type
of work which requires being involved in a team or group.
It is essential that the schizoid be aware of his potential, and
his limitations in this regard.
Only too
frequently, schizoids remain single. And those who have partners may be driven
to separate.
Once they are separated, they may even be
unaware that the reason for the separation is their personality.
Instead, they believe that particular events
were the cause of the separation.
4- The
phone
I do not need a
mobile phone. If I had one, I wouldn’t use it. In fact, I seldom even use the
land-line phone,
except for the odd official
calls, or to call someone like my mother. Of course, the phone also serves to
receive calls
– except that my phone never
rings. If you are involved in a
permanent or ongoing relationship,
use of the telephone
would be limited to that person, and no more. Even then, the calls will be made
for very specific reasons.
No calls are made just for the sake of
socializing – or to hear the latest gossip, because I’m lonely,
because I want
to make contact with that person, to give condolences or to congratulate
someone.
All
communication is difficult for us – even the rare phonecalls
we make.
5-Reading and writing
their needs, their
disappointments ... And all of this
without the problems involved in face-to-face contact.
Writing, however, is another matter.
Sometimes we enjoy personal mail, and we may spend time on Messenger
if we make a
connection with someone. Sometimes, though, empathy fails us, the epistolary
relationship
takes too
much time and energy, or we become involved in a forum where there are too many
people.
6-What the children have
In their innocence, children seem to
have a natural ability to play with children of other races, to relate to the physically
or
mentally disabled without any problem, to play with adults who relate to them at
their level without seeming to care about age.
To the schizoid, children are special because
they cause us little or no tension at all - and we can play,
tell them stories,
organize activities until they enter puberty. And that’s when their charm
stops.
7 - How to have fun
Of course, you won’t have fun in the
conventional way. So, be careful what you do, because
you may end
up feeling a fool. Dancing can be a failure. Getting to know people, flirting,
aligning yourself
with someone – these
are all exciting activities for others,
but you may find them disappointing.
You'll find that you lack the resources,
that you are clumsy and, if you persist you will feel
ridiculous and you will fail.
Even though everyone else is doing it, do not
feel obliged to go with the flow. Mostly, you will feel uncomfortable
– so why persist? Far better to find your own
source of entertainment and which suits your personality.
Never feel obliged to be like everyone
else.
8 – Attending parties
You will attend parties, but only
infrequently. Usually, attendance at these events will be unsatisfactory.
Therefore, keep them to a minimum, and spend
little time there. If you're married, only attend essential gatherings
which your wife
attends. In social life, allow your spouse to take the
initiative and, even then, attend few functions
for the shortest time
possible. There will be times, though, when you feel comfortable,
and then you stay as
long as you like. But, if you're uncomfortable, get up and stretch your legs,
go for a walk,
get some fresh air and
forget about everybody. Then, as soon as you can, disappear.
This should be done discreetly, without
any explanations – do it with confidence, and don’t
ask
forgiveness for being the way you are. And don’t expect to be understood. When
these events are held in large,
open places,
it is easier to sneak away than it is from closed and small places. If, during a
business meal,
you begin
to feel uncomfortable, why insist on staying? Try to find your own,
comfortable way of
tolerating these occasions.
9- Feeling
weird
A widespread
feeling among schizoids before they become aware of their situation,
is to feel "weird".
Though they
want to fit in with others, they often get the feeling that they just don’t fit
in.
This creates the
feeling of being on the outside looking in, or of being out of place.
This often
leads to an erosion of their self-confidence, and to the feeling that other
people are ‘superior’.
Once they become aware of the fact that they
are schizoid, that their world is different and even has a name,
they often feel
a huge sense of relief.
10 – Going
for a walk
We live in the
city, and occasionally go out for a walk. But a stroll in the neighbourhood
becomes a nightmare
because we
will meet acquaintances and neighbours whom we feel obliged to greet.
The greeting, and personal contact it involves,
makes us uncomfortable. It’s useless to try and be pleasant,
or force
a false smile since we feel no connection and the result is a failure.
Nevertheless, social convention
requires us to
greet them, at least. But the neighbours may sense our disinterest
and the
encounter would become embarrassing. So, what is the solution?
SOME of us will
go for a walk anyway, greeting half-heartedly when necessary.
OTHERS will go for a walk without greeting
anyone.
And OTHERS will
put on a hood and / or sunglasses and / or use headphones to listen to music
and so shut everyone out.
11- Internet
The
schizoid finds it difficult to fit into
a social environment and, generally, ends up living outside of it.
However, the internet
provides an opportunity for an acceptable form of social contact - cCommunications are anonymous,
there is no personal contact, and contacts can be made or
broken at will. Many schizoids find that the internet
fills a large gap in their lives, but it can never replace real life!
Site updated on February 22, 2011 . Copyright (c) 2008-2011 schizoids.info